you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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