I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize