sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
