shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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