Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
