I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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