rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
