Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
