I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize