I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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