There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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