just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
