some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize