How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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