moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
