He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
