i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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