Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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