I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
