The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
