Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
