Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
