it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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