Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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