she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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