I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize