Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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