Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
