Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
