Just fell off a train. Bad.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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