I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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