it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize