At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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