Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
