I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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