I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
