I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
