i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
