You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
