he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
