girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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