I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
