I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize