and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
