sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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