I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
