K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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