Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
