so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
