I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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