You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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