when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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