When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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