I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
