whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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