We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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