the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
