Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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