I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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