Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
