Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
