how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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