I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i now understand why vodka
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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