She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
