i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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