So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
