Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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