i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
