Your dad touched me again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
