I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
