I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize