plz talk dirty to me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
