bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
