There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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